I wanted to start a post for new moms or moms who are looking for reminders and tips for when they bring a new baby home. Here are some pieces of advice that I received that have been critical as a mom:
- sleep when the baby sleeps, that is right forget the Thank you Cards unless you love doing them!
- do what feels right/listen to your inner voice
- understand that there are A LOT of different approaches and parenting philosophies(attached parenting, scheduling, cry it out/don't cry it out, vaccinate, don't vaccinate). My credo has been.. research and then decide what is right for me and family.......
- if your nursing take a peek at http://www.kellymom.com/
- if you are the "social type" consider an online social networking group for mommies. I love http://www.charlottemommies.com/ (here in Charlotte, NC)
testing to make sure this working
ReplyDeleteGreat post Gigi!
ReplyDeleteThe best advice I ever got was to set realistic expectations for myself as a new mom! I had UNrealistic goals about what I would be able to accomplish in a day with my newborn. I learned that it was truly a cause for celebration if I was dressed and showered by dinner. Give yourself "permission" to just be in the moment ... they grow up soooo fast. There are many times I miss those newborn days and not once do I think "If only I had done more dishes". - Julie
Some of the best mom advice I can ever share:
ReplyDeleteTalk to your kids about actions and consequences... how proactive/productive actions bring positive consequences... how misbehaving brings negative ones... I had this talk with my two girls after they started visiting us regularly (they may be my stepdaughters, but I share well with others and they're my girls all the same). Positive actions at the time were behaving in school and earning good grades/consequences being more family fun time, a special book, etc.
We did this because we were having problems at home with them not doing their chores, homework, etc. I had my kids tell me what they thought their consequences should be for each thing we were having problems with. They also helped set goals for when they should be accomplished.
One of the reasons I did this is that in my family, I was falling into the role of disiplinarian because my husband and I agreed that we needed to always be in the moment with consequences. Since I was the one around them more during that stage of our lives, I ended up being the one to have to handle those situations. The problem was, I never ever wanted to be the evil step mom, but at the same time, our girls needed to learn to be responsible for themselves and their actions.
During our discussion, I was amazed at how horrible the consequences were that they set for themselves (grounded for a month and no computer for a month all for not doing one night's dishes).
This did two things... It made me realize how much harder we tend to be on ourselves, so I learned to let go of a lot of guilt I had been carrying around for little things I shouldn't be feeling anything over...
And it also made me look like the good guy when I toned their consequences down to a couple of days to a week, depending on the action... I think I could write a whole blog just on being a step-mom. Some days, you really need to have those kind of wins.
In the end, everyone was happy, chores and homework got done on time... we really only had to use the negative consequences once or twice that year... just to enough to show we meant to stick to our agreement.
G, thanks for the space to share this. I've often told this story to other parents, and it certainly made a huge difference in my family for the better. Good luck to all your blog parents!
Gigi, love this post. Here's one that always sparks a huge debate; and my posting it is not to encourage debate, but rather to encourage thought.
ReplyDeleteMany like sleeping with the newborn in their bed; promotes bonding... if, however, not done properly, can have dire consequences.
We have a friend who is a police officer in Concord, CA. When our oldest was born, his first question to us was, "Are you going have her sleep in bed with you?". Our choice was not to. I asked him why he asked. His response was that he had responded to a call where a parent had smothered their 5 week old baby who was asleep in bed with them. Police officers hate getting calls on children, and I could see he was visibly torn up in having to respond to a call where the baby had died.
There are many bonding moments you'll have with your child. As a mom, your child is already bonded with you from growing inside of you. If you wish to sleep with your newborn in bed with you, be sure all safety precautions are made. No one wants to go through what many parents have.
And regardless if you're a first time mom, or a seventh time mom... you'll get a ton of advise; just know that no one will know your child (or children) as you do. Trust in yourself and believe in yourself. You'll make mistakes, but be sure to have the grace to forgive yourself.
Take time for yourself and for your relationship with your husband. Before kids, you were married. Before being married, you were just you. You can't take care of a husband nor your children if you aren't 100% yourself. And taking care of your husband and your relationship with him, helps him to be 100% at being a husband and at being a father to his kids.
I look forward to future blogs/posts. There are many things I don't think about as a parent and love the encouragement.
Thank you, Gigi.... I so love this.